A New Metamour

Lots of things on my mind

I usually write about the sexy part of my life but today, I'm going to talk about some hard shit. Polyamory is amazing but it's also very hard sometimes. It takes a lot of work and a lot of that is internal work on yourself.

For the past 10 years, Husband has been mostly monogamous. He's had threesomes and such with me but he wasn't interested in dating other people. I struggled with that a bit. I felt guilty for being polyamorous and needing to have relationships and sex with other people. But he was always very supportive of my needs, even when they made him feel jealous and insecure.

A few months ago, Husband told me that he was having thoughts about wanting a relationship with another woman. At first, I was a bit shocked because he was always so sure that he didn't want that. My second reaction was nervousness because I wasn't sure how that would make me feel. It had been a long time since I had seen him with someone else and he had never dated another woman before. But then my brain finally settled on feeling excitement for him. I have always wanted him to be fulfilled and happy. So, I encouraged him to explore that. It took a few months, but he finally found someone that he was interested in.

Husband has been talking to a woman for a couple months. Initially, I very much encouraged him to go out with her. I gave him dating advice and helped calm his nerves before going out with her. I looked forward to hearing all about his dates when he came home and I was so happy for him. Then, something suddenly changed for me.

For the past few years, our relationship has been struggling. Husband pulled away from me and stopped communicating. Our sex life became almost non-existent. There were things that I needed from him that I wasn't getting. Things got really bad for a while but we've been working on our relationship throughout the last year and it's improved a lot. There is still much work to do though.

When I saw him giving those things that I needed to this woman he was talking to, I started feeling jealous. Then, I started comparing myself to this girl as well because I was already in a dark place. Why didn't I deserve those things? Why hasn't he been giving them to me? Does he like her better than me? So many negative thoughts that I wasn't used to. 

Jealousy is a rare emotion for me. I'm not a jealous person. In fact, I only feel jealous if I'm being treated unfairly or not getting something that I need. This was really hard for me to deal with because I have very little experience with feeling jealousy. I have been dealing with it as best as I can but some days are really hard.

On Wednesday, Husband told me that things became official between them. She is now his girlfriend. On one hand, I am so happy for him. But on the other hand, I still have some emotions to work through. The thing about jealousy is that it's completely normal but it's up to you to work it out for yourself. So, that is what I'm trying to do.

Anyway, to sum all of this up, I now have a new metamour and I have complicated and conflicting emotions about it. I think things will eventually work out and I'll feel better about everything but the anxiety I'm feeling right now is very overwhelming some days. 

I still think polyamory is absolutely worth it. I could never be in a monogamous relationship again for the rest of my life. I tried that already and it just didn't work out. It's not for me. Polyamory sure does take a lot more work than monogamy though. I'm going to continue working on myself and I'm excited for what the future has in store for Husband. I hope this new relationship brings him a lot of happiness.

Want to see more boobs? Click the flower below.

The Lovely Mia

This is Mia. She is my girlfriend. Not only is she super sweet, thoughtful, and caring but she's also incredibly sexy. I am so lucky to have her in my life.

The first time Mia and I had sex, we were on her couch watching a movie. We were cuddling and softly caressing each other. The sexual tension was so thick. We started making out and it didn't take long before her hand was up my skirt and then underneath my very wet panties. She ate my pussy on that couch and I held back so much because I was terrified of squirting all over it. 

The next few times we had sex, it continued to be on that couch. Then, we finally had sex in my bed, which was a lot more comfortable. So, Mia decided that we needed our own room at her house so that we had more comfort and privacy from her nesting partner. She cleaned up her spare room, ordered a bed online, and then set it all up. Now, we have our own space and it's so nice. We've had lots of sex on that bed and it's so much better than trying to scrunch up on a couch. 

Sex with Mia is so fun. She is curvy, soft, and delicious. Her moans are pretty incredible too. She's very loud during sex, which I much prefer over being quiet and having to guess if I'm doing things right or not. When I make Mia cum, her moans almost always make me cum right along with her even if my clit isn't even being touched. It's so intoxicating.

Recently, Mia snapped a photo of her shopping at a sex store. She told me she was shopping for a strap-on and dildo so that she could fuck me. I was so turned on by that. I had never been fucked by a woman like that. She sent me a photo of the dildo she got and it was purple. She definitely knows me well.

Dildo Mia bought to use on me

A couple weeks ago, Mia finally used that strap-on and dildo on me. It was the first time for both of us. We were nervous and excited at the same time. We started in a doggy-style position, which felt really good but I really wanted to see her face as she fucked me. So, then we moved to me being on my back and her up on her knees with my legs on her shoulders. She looked so hot. As she fucked me, I could tell it was turning her on so much. The pleasure was shown all over her face. As she made me cum all over the bed, it looked and sounded like she was about to cum too. I can't tell you how fucking hot that was. Thinking about it now has my clit fucking pulsing so hard. Unf. I can't wait until she fucks me again. 

I have a dildo on my wishlist that I would very much like to have her use on me. I just know I'd be squirting all over her if she used it on me. Fuuuuuck. Hopefully we can get that sometime soon. If you're interested in getting it for us, I would definitely send you a few photos as a thank you.

Mia has decided that she'd like to be included in this blog occasionally. So, I'm looking forward to making more posts about her and sharing her very sexy body with you all. 

Sinful Sunday: Queer

The Sinful Sunday prompt for February is the letter Q. Right away, I knew what word I wanted to use for this and that is queer. Queer is a term that has a lot of meanings. In this case, for me, queer means not straight. 

I have always been attracted to people of all genders. I came out as bisexual when I was 14. To quote Carla in the movie Better Than Chocolate, "Soft centers. Hard centers. I like all the chocolates in the box." This is very true for me. 

Also, please welcome my girlfriend Mia to the party here. This is her debut in this blog. Hopefully, there will be much more to come. She is so fucking hot.

          

Aidan's Chicago Birthday Trip

The lingerie I wore for Aidan's birthday

I started dating Aidan in November. I originally met him four years ago at a kinky house party. I had a very big crush on him but the timing just wasn't right. Then, a few months ago, I saw him pop up in a polyamorous group I'm a member of. I commented on his post and things progressed from there. 

Last weekend, it was Aidan's birthday. His nesting partner, Callie, messaged me and asked if I would be willing to go on a trip to Chicago with them to celebrate his birthday. I said, "Absolutely!" She asked me to bring along some lingerie, so I knew it would be getting sexy in that hotel room. 

The drive there seemed to last forever. I kept fantasizing about getting Aidan naked and giving him double the pleasure with Callie. When we finally got there, we were pretty exhausted. We all collapsed on the bed and had a little cuddle pile. After we rested a bit, I was so fucking ready to get the sexy times going. But Callie was not budging on that. She wanted to wait until after we had dinner...which was a whole three hours away. If it were up to me, I would have had a before-dinner snack and then an after-dinner dessert. But I was a good girl and I kept my hands to myself and waited even though it was difficult. When you're very turned on and really want someone, waiting times seem to last so much longer. 

When we got back from dinner, we cuddled a bit more. Then, Callie asked Aidan if he'd like to see us in our sexy outfits. So, we went to change. Callie was wearing a beautiful blue lace teddy with a snap crotch for easy access. I was wearing a tight purple velvet dress with lacey cutouts on the sides and a see-through mesh back. I also wore a black and purple thong underneath. Aidan was a big fan of both of our outfits, of course. We were looking hot!

After we got settled in the bed together, Callie told me to take the top half while she got Aidan's bottom half warmed up. She started sucking his cock and I went up to kiss him. I really wanted to share his cock with her but I didn't want to overstep. So, I did as I was told. I could tell she was definitely in charge that night. After a bit of kissing, Aidan started biting my neck and shoulders, which instantly made my panties wet. All I could think about was how much I wanted that cock.

Callie told me to take a turn sucking Aidan's cock, so I wasted no time getting down there. I put it in my mouth like I was starving, shoving it deep into my throat. Callie played with his balls while I sucked. Hearing him moan as we were doing that made me even more wet. Fuck. I needed him inside me.

Callie said that it was time for Aidan to fuck me. I looked up at him, tears in my eyes from choking on his cock, and smiled so he knew that's what I wanted too. He then removed my lingerie quickly and climbed on top of me. I moaned as his big cock slipped inside my dripping wet cunt. How long had I been waiting for that? It sure felt like days. He fucked me softly at first. He moaned and said, "Fuck, you're so wet." And then he fucked me harder. It didn't take long before I was cumming all over his cock. I came over and over again as he continued to fuck me. I completely forgot that Callie was watching us until she said that she wished she had brought some toys to play with. 

Aidan told me to flip over on my side. He then lifted my leg and fucked me while sitting up on his knees. His cock kept hitting my cervix. So, I tried to find a good angle to prevent that. I ended up on my tummy. He fucked me for a little bit in that position and made me cum once more. Then, it was Callie's turn.

Callie unsnapped the buttons at her crotch and Aidan climbed on top of her. He started to fuck her and I watched as her tits bounced around. It made my clit tingle. She asked if I had brought any toys and I remembered that I had brought a vibrator. So, I went to grab it. I laid on the bed next to them and put the vibrator on my clit. It felt so good but I was trying to hold back. I didn't want to squirt all over the bed and make a mess. So, I took my time. 

Callie flipped over and Aidan fucked her in the doggy-style position. I watched his face as he fucked her. It was so hot watching him be pleasured by her cunt. As he got closer and closer to orgasm, so did I. My breathing became heavy and erratic. He looked at me, making deep eye contact. My breath caught in my throat. I couldn't breathe. Those piercing eyes had a hold on me. I started to moan and then my clit exploded in pleasure. I had one of the most powerful orgasms I've ever had in my life. It was fucking amazing. 

Callie asked Aidan where he would like to cum. He thought for a moment and then said, "On both of your breasts." So, Callie and I put our titties next to each other. But then she laid her head on my left breast and said it was very comfy. So, she decided that he would cum on my tits and her face. He crawled up to us, sat up on his knees, and started jerking his cock. I loved that sight. It turned me on so much. So, I started playing with my right nipple. I licked my lips, waiting for that sweet juice to shoot out of his cock. And then it came. All over my tits and on Callie's face. I closed my eyes and moaned as I felt the warm liquid cover my tits.

Callie wanted us all to take a shower after, so we piled in together. I was still riding an amazing high though. As Aidan and Callie began washing their bodies, I stood in the corner of the shower and rubbed the cum into my breasts. I was not ready to wash it off yet. They saw what I was doing and laughed. I didn't care. I was very content. 

I was hoping we would be able to have more sex in that hotel room before we had to check out but it just didn't end up working out that way. Hopefully, there will be more opportunities for fun like that in the future though. And maybe Callie will feel more comfortable with both of us joining in together when Aidan is fucking us. Because I'd much rather do that than play off to the side by myself. 

Pleasure Dom

Bite mark that Graham left on my thigh

I recently started seeing someone new. I met Graham at a polyamorous meetup about a month ago. As soon as I saw him, I was instantly drawn to him. The first thing I noticed was his amazing eyes. After talking to him for a bit, I realized he's quite nerdy as well. He's basically everything that I'm attracted to wrapped up in a very sexy package. We started talking a couple days after we met and two weeks ago, he came over for sex. It has been a while, so things aren't very fresh in my memory, but I'm going to do my best to recall them. 

I was nervous but also very excited. I kept trying to decide what to wear when it hit me. Why put regular clothes on that are just going to be taken off right away? So, I decided to wear lingerie instead.

When Graham got to my house, I answered the door wearing the lingerie dress I had picked out. It turned out to be a perfect idea because he was basically speechless when he saw me. He growled, pulled me close, and kissed me. Then, he asked me to lead the way to the bedroom.

We went to the bedroom and started making out, slowly taking off our clothes. He grabbed one of my breasts and started to suck on my nipple. Then, he pushed me down on the bed. I started to scoot back and then realized he was diving in between my thighs. He licked my clit as I caressed his very soft hand. It felt incredible. I just laid there and got lost in the feeling.

After a while, he climbed on top of me and started to kiss me. Then, he asked if I'd like to taste him. I said, "Absolutely." He laid down and I kissed my way down to his cock, then licked it from the base of the shaft to the head, swirling my tongue around it. I got it nice and wet and then slowly started to suck it. It was delicious, just as I had imagined. I sucked very slowly, making sure to savor every bit of it. Then, I shoved it deep into my throat. He said, “You must be into cock worship.” And until that moment, I didn't realize that I definitely am. So, that's a new thing.

I came up for air and started to make out with him again. Then, I laid down and he climbed on top of me. He slid his cock inside my pussy and I couldn't help but moan as he was entering me. It felt like I had waited so long for that moment and it was definitely not disappointing. 

I was on the edge of the bed, so he told me to wrap my arms around him. I wrapped my arms and legs around him tightly and he held me close as he continued to fuck me. His cock filled me up so well. I got completely lost in that moment.

He asked if I would like him to be gentle or rough. I told him he could be rough. He sat up on his knees and fucked me harder while rubbing my clit with his fingers. Then, he flipped me over and fucked me from behind for a while.

He asked if I wanted to play with some toys, so I grabbed my favorite dildo. He said he wanted to DP me with it. So, he put it inside my pussy and then put his cock in as well. I can't even tell you how many orgasms I had while he fucked me like that.

He said he wanted to watch me ride him, so he laid down and I climbed on top of him. I started off slowly at first, then as soon as I began to move faster, I started cumming all over him. The orgasm was so intense that I fell on top of him and basically started convulsing.

We took a break so I could recover and I was completely drunk on ecstasy. I got lost in his eyes and probably said some embarrassing things during this time. My brain was mush at this point. I remember kissing a lot and just being in what felt like subspace.

After I was somewhat recovered, I started to suck his cock again. I did it faster this time and he asked if I was trying to make him cum. I honestly was just really getting into it. I wasn't trying to end things.

I laid down and he got on top of me and started to fuck me again. Then, I asked him if I could flip over again and grab my vibrator. I came really hard as he fucked me, then he told me that he wanted me on the edge of the bed so he could fuck me really hard. I was totally down for that, so I got up and bent over the end of the bed. 

He fucked me really hard while I rubbed my clit with my fingers. Then, he stopped and asked, "Do you want a drink?" I smiled and said, "Yes." Then, I got down on my knees and opened my mouth as he stroked his cock. When he started to cum, I wrapped my lips around the head of his cock and drank every drop of his cum. 

The sex we had was very hot and so amazing. I know I didn't do it justice because I haven't had the time to write about it until now. We fucked for 2 hours and afterward, he asked if I had kept count of my orgasms. I didn't even think about it! Not that my brain would have been able to keep track while it was so mushy. The thing is, Graham is a pleasure dom. That means he makes it his mission to give his lovers as many orgasms as possible. So, he did his best to keep count of my orgasms. I think the orgasm count was 35, according to him. That feels very accurate to me. Like I said, amazing.

One of my favorite things about having sex with Graham was that he kept saying sweet things to me the whole time. Calling me a good girl, saying I'm beautiful, and things like that. It turned me on and made me smile. How is he the perfect mix of cute & sweet and hot & sexy? Fuuuuck. 

I'm so excited to experience more with Graham. We actually have another date night tonight. I'll try to update about it sooner than last time.

Sinful Sunday: Fucking Myself

I had a weekend home alone, so I invited DJ over for sex on Friday night. He ended up standing me up, so I was really sad. Saturday, I invited Jacob over. But he wasn’t available.

So, my weekend that I had hoped would be full of amazing sex was a bust. 

What do I do when I can’t find anyone to come over to fuck me? I put on some sexy lingerie and fuck myself.

 Kiss the lips below to see who else is sinning.

I've Waited So Long

I met DJ in person five months ago. I really wanted to pursue things with him but life got in the way, as it usually does. We've talked on and off since then and I never stopped fantasizing about him.

This past Saturday night, DJ invited me over to his place. I was incredibly nervous (thanks anxiety) but I knew I really wanted to go. So, I took a deep breath and just went for it without overthinking. I had been waiting so long to see him again. 

When I got to his place, I was still feeling pretty nervous. So, we started watching a bit of Netflix in the living room to relax the mood. Eventually, he reached over and started rubbing my thigh gently. My breath caught in my throat when he touched me. I swallowed hard and reminded myself to breathe. 

His hand made its way up my thigh slowly, until he was caressing my vulva on top of my panties. Then, he attacked my neck. He was kissing and biting it voraciously. He grabbed a handful of my hair and bit harder. I moaned and grabbed his other hand. I caressed his fingers, admiring how soft they felt.  We started to make out and then he asked if I wanted to go to his bedroom. I said yes.

When we got to his bedroom, he climbed onto the bed and I followed. He kissed me, caressing my tongue with his, biting my lip just a bit. He is a very good kisser and I kept wanting more. He attacked the other side of my neck, biting hard and pulling my hair. I moaned and dug my fingers into his back. 

He jumped up, lifted my skirt, and removed my panties. He threw them aside and shoved his fingers inside my cunt. It was already wet and hungry. He bent down and tasted me, licking my clit for a few moments and getting it wetter. He continued fucking my pussy with his fingers. I arched my back and moaned. I had been fantasizing about what it would feel like to have his fingers deep inside me. I was not disappointed.

He sat up and continued finger-fucking me with one hand and lifted my shirt with the other. He took one of my breasts out of my bra. He started sucking on my nipple, then he moved over to the other breast and did the same. His fingers felt so good inside me that I started to get scared that I was going to squirt all over his bed. I held back out of nervousness. I'm never sure how people will react, so I'm scared about really letting go.

He laid down next to me and removed his pants. I started to kiss him again as I wrapped my hand around his cock, slowly jerking it. I wanted to taste him, so I went down and licked his cock from the tip down to the bottom of the shaft, then back up again. I licked it all around, getting it nice and wet before sticking it in my mouth. I started sucking it slowly. I teased him as I sucked so very slowly, up and down. Then, I shoved his cock into my throat and let it sit there for a bit as I flexed my throat muscles. I started sucking again, quicker this time. Going all the way down, then back up. Over and over again. He started to thrust his hips in sync with my movements, so I shoved his cock into my throat harder. My eyes watered as I started to go faster, choosing swallowing his cock over breathing air. 

I stopped to catch my breath. It was hard to see through all of the tears. He asked if I was okay and it made me smile. We finished getting naked and he asked if he could fuck me. I said yes, so he grabbed a condom, put it on, and then told me to lay down on my side. He grabbed my braids and started fucking me from behind. Slowly at first, then faster and harder. He sat up on his knees, pushed me down more on my tummy, and started to fuck me again harder. Fuck, it felt so good. I'd been waiting so long to feel him inside me.

When I got home, I climbed into bed with Husband and he asked me about what had happened. After I told him about it, we turned off the light and cuddled. I felt his hand wandering around my body, caressing it softly. He started to massage my breast and I ran my fingers across his back. Suddenly, he sat up and forcefully opened my legs. He climbed on top of me and started to suck on my nipples, then made his way down between my legs. 

He started to lick my clit, so very softly and slowly. My body twitched as it felt like electricity was flowing through it. As he licked faster, my back arched. He reached up with his hand and I caressed his fingers with mine. He continued to lick my clit, faster and a bit harder. My breathing quickened and I knew I was getting close. I moaned as I tilted my pelvis so that he was hitting the right spot. I started to cum so hard that I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep quiet.

Husband climbed on top of me, placed my feet on his chest, and then slid his cock inside me. He fucked my pussy slowly while he caressed my labia softly with his fingers. Unf. He bent over on top of me and I wrapped my legs tight around his waist. He fucked me harder as I tried to pull him deeper inside me. He kissed my forehead and I melted. He pulled me in closer to him and fucked me even harder. I felt my pussy tightening around his cock. I was getting very close to cumming.

He stopped and I flipped over so he could fuck me in the doggy position. I grabbed my vibrator and put it on my clit. He slid his cock inside me again. He was hitting the spot I needed him to but it just wasn't hard enough. So, I started to push back into him with each thrust. He caught on and started to fuck me harder. I moaned every time he shoved his cock deep inside me. His breathing got quicker and he started to moan too. Then, he fucked me even harder until my pussy tightened around his cock and we both exploded into orgasm.

Fucked by two incredibly sexy men in one night. That is something I could definitely get used to.

Another Date with the Doctor

The doctor invited me over again two weeks ago. It had been 4 months since we last hung out, so I was starting to think that he was no longer interested in me. Apparently, he has just been so busy that he hasn't had time for me.

The last time we hung out, things got pretty hot. So, I was excited but also really nervous. I'm not sure if it was because I hadn't seen him in so long or if it was because my anxiety has been pretty bad lately. I was seriously thinking about not going but Husband encouraged me to go and fight my anxiety, which I was very grateful for. 

When I got to the Doctor's place, we ordered some food and talked about things that have been happening in our life lately. Eventually, we ended up on the subject of porn. It's pretty common for me to turn conversations into something sexual but the Doctor is the only person I know that does this just as much as I do. So, our conversations are always very hot.

He told me about the first porn he ever saw and masturbated to when he was young. It was Debbie Does Dallas. He asked if I had ever seen it before. I said no, so he pulled it up on his phone and showed me his favorite scene. That turned into watching a scene from another porn, and then another, until dinner was delivered. 

We went to the kitchen table to eat and continued to talk about things in our life. After we were done eating, he asked me what I'd like to do. I said we should continue watching porn. I was really excited because I have never had a partner that wanted to watch porn with me.

We watched a few more scenes from different movies that he really likes. We were both getting very turned on. Hands started to wander and caress. Fidgeting, adjusting, deep breaths, long sighs, little moans. We started to make out a bit, then he asked if I'd like to go to the bedroom to watch a movie. I said, "Sure, or we could just have sex." His eyes got wide and he tried to respond but he was speechless. "I mean, if you want to..." He said, "Of course I want to!"

What I was wearing under my shirt and skirt.

I went to the bathroom and then met him in the bedroom. When I walked in, he was lying on the bed, waiting for me. He had changed into shorts and took off his shirt. I walked over to the bed and removed my shirt and skirt. I sat next to him and started to caress his upper body with my fingers. 

I asked him to remove his shorts, so he did. He was rock hard. He was so turned on that pre-cum was dripping down his cock. I touched the head softly with my fingertips, teasing him. Then, I wrapped my hand around his shaft and jerked it slowly. He rubbed my thighs and moaned softly. I bit my lip, contemplating what to do next. 

I got up and moved to the end of the bed. I laid down between his legs and licked the head of his cock. I continued to lick up and down his shaft, getting it nice and wet. I put the head in my mouth and held it there, looking at his face for a reaction. He closed his eyes and moaned, yearning for more. 

I bobbed up and down, slowly at first, then quickening the pace a bit. I teased the head with my tongue, swirling it around. Then, I started sucking again. He moaned and said, "God, you're so good to me, Ash." His breath was ragged. I could tell he wasn't going to last much longer. 

I started to suck harder, faster. He moaned louder and fidgeted a bit. He warned me, "I'm gonna cum soon." I looked him in the eyes and kept sucking. "Oh, fuck." He started to cum, filling my mouth. I continued to suck until his moans had stopped. Then, I opened my mouth to show him the cum on my tongue. He smiled and laughed a little. I could tell he really liked that. I swallowed the cum and then went to get a drink.

When I walked back into the room, he asked me what he could do to pleasure me. I said, "Anything you want to do." He just laughed and I laid down next to him. He helped me remove my bra and panties. Then, he grabbed my breast and started to suck on my nipple. He put his hand on my vulva and put pressure on it. I moaned and pushed against his hand, begging for more. He parted my labia and touched my clit lightly. He rubbed it so lightly that I almost couldn't feel it. 

I felt his finger slip into my pussy. I was super wet and turned on. He fingered me for a few seconds, then rubbed my clit a bit more. He stopped suddenly and asked if he could use a toy. He had a Womanizer with him. He said that he wanted to see my face as he used it on me. I said yes, so he grabbed it out of his bag. He parted my labia again and put the Womanizer on my clit. It vibrated gently and sucked on my clit. It felt so good. I moaned and rocked my hips. I was so turned on from the porn earlier that it didn't take long before I was cumming.

After my orgasm, he got up to check the time. He said he had to leave to go get his kids. I was disappointed that we didn't have more time for sex. I didn't make him feel bad about it though. I told him it was okay, gathered my things, and left. 

On the way home, I started thinking about what had happened. Or, maybe what hadn't happened? I've given him multiple blow jobs at this point and he has never put his mouth on my pussy. He has said that he enjoys eating pussy but has never expressed interest in doing that to me.

I'm probably overthinking the whole thing. It probably has nothing to do with me at all. He's probably just nervous because he has only been with one other woman (his wife) and he feels inexperienced. I'm trying to not focus on it and just let it go. Even if it does make me feel a little insecure.

So, that's how the date went. I always have a good time hanging out with the Doctor. Our conversations are great because we relate on so many levels. I also really enjoyed watching porn with him. I would love to have a partner that wants to watch porn with me regularly. It's much more fun when you have someone to watch with. Husband used to watch over my shoulder in bed but I know it's just not his thing and that's alright. 

So, who else really loves to watch porn with their partner?

Welcome to 2021

Like a lot of people, I was really hoping that 2020 was going to be a good year. At the beginning of the year, I had started talking to some new people who I was really into. I was feeling extra motivated to give in to my sexual desires and not feel guilty about them. I was ready to really enjoy myself and others. Then, the pandemic happened.

In order to stay safe, we had to stay in our houses and not see other people. I thought for sure this would only last a few months and then we would be in the clear. Eventually, cases would go down and the risk would be low. So, I did my best to just stay put and be patient.

For entertainment, I started using dating sites seriously again. I met a few people on there that I really clicked with. I was feeling hopeful again. Maybe something could come of this. One girl, who I really fell for, asked if I'd like to start hanging out in person but six feet apart. So, we started having little dates outside. We walked in the park, sat under a pavilion and talked, went out and got ice cream. Stuff like that. They weren't super exciting ideas but they were great dates because I was with her. After a few months, I ended up asking that girl to be my girlfriend and she said yes! I was so happy. Until that girl stopped wanting to hang out. We still send each other a Snap every day but I think it's safe to say that we aren't in an actual relationship. I was quite disappointed when that ended.

So, with that failed relationship, I began to focus on other people who I had been talking to. I conversed with a man from Ireland for a while who had me really lost in fantasy land but eventually, he stopped responding to me. I was also talking to a guy who was probably the most attractive man I've met all year. We had so much in common and he was incredibly sweet but as soon as I asked him out, he told me that he was poly-saturated. So, that was the end of that one. I had a handful of other people, men and women, who I continued to talk to but nothing seemed to come of it. I failed to even see the point anymore. This pandemic was obviously going to go on forever and I'd never be able to fuck other people safely again.

At this point, the year was three-quarters of the way over and I still hadn't sexed it up with anyone other than Husband since 2019. I wasn't even having sex with Husband that often because he was dealing with so much stress and anxiety from work and our sleeping schedules were completely opposite. I was feeling quite sexually frustrated.

I hadn't seen Jacob, my fairly regular FWB, in over a year. I missed his cock like crazy. We still sexted with each other occasionally and he continued to send me nice things to let me know he was thinking about me, which was lovely. Our friendship was holding steady even though we hadn't been able to hook up. That was definitely a positive thing.

Most of the other people who I had been talking to had gotten bored of me by this time. I tried to reignite the sparks but it seemed to be a lost cause. One person, though, had not lost interest at all. That was the Doctor, who I wrote about previously. He kept trying to get me to go out with him but I was feeling so nervous about it that I kept telling him, "Not yet." He finally talked me into it and something about him made me feel super comfortable. My walls came crashing down very quickly and after only three dates, we ended up fucking. Maybe it was the last ten months of sexual frustration that just couldn't be held back anymore. Maybe I was just really feeling the connection between us because our sex drives match up so well. I'm not sure why it happened even though I had so much anxiety, but I'm glad it did.

My feelings about that were very complicated. I judged myself for hooking up with someone during a pandemic, though I felt better about it because it was with a doctor whom I knew was taking extra precautions and understood the seriousness of it all. I was still a bit worried afterward, wondering if I had exposed myself by hooking up with him. But that was all just my brain being a jerk and flooding me with unecessary anxiety. I feel better about it now, though I'm not sure if I will be fucking other people anytime soon.

I haven't talked to the Doctor much since we had sex. He checks in every once in a while but he's such a busy person. I'm not sure if he really has time for me. I'm open to whatever it is going to become though. I do have other potential partners that I'm talking to right now. I'm not sure where things will go with any of those people but I do have hopes for the future. If we can just keep the spark alive through the rest of this pandemic, things would be good.

So, here we are on the first day of 2021 and I'm looking back on the last 366 days. After a very long dry spell, in which I hadn't met anyone that I really wanted to pursue a sexual relationship with, I finally found a bunch of people that I really wanted to fuck, however, I couldn't actually fuck them due to social distancing. After years of silently judging myself for wanting to slut it up with lots of people, I finally accepted my desires and felt ready to embrace them. But what was the point if I couldn't actually do it? After two years of searching, I finally found another girlfriend only for it to fizzle out due to not being able to be as close as we wanted to be. So many opportunities that were lost over the last year. What a waste. Last year could have been amazing. I had such high hopes about having sex with many different people. Instead, I had sex with only two people.

I know that I should feel grateful for those two people that I had sex with. I know there are so many people out there that have been alone all year and haven't been able to have sex with anyone. It's just really hard for my nympho brain to really understand that. It just wants all the sex. It's never enough. So, anyway, here's to hoping that 2021 has something wonderful in store for my sex life. Happy New Year. I hope 2021 has something great in store for you as well.

The Doctor (part 2)

On Saturday night, I had a date with the Doctor. You can read about that right here if you haven't already.

When I got home from the date, I went to the bedroom with Husband and started to talk about my night. He asked for all the dirty details about what we did. So, I told him everything. He was very turned on by it.

After I was finished, Husband said, "So, what do you want now that you're home with me?" I took a deep breath and then responded, "I want you to fuck me." He said, "Yeah? Get on your knees." I smiled, grabbed my vibrator, and got in the position. 

He got up and grabbed a dildo, then he climbed on the bed behind me. He said, "I want you to have four cocks in your pussy tonight. We're going to start with this one." He shoved his cock into my pussy and fucked me hard. I moaned loudly and gripped the pillow tightly in my hands. I pushed my ass back against him with every stroke. My pussy was still so hungry.

He stopped fucking me and said, "I wish we had other men here to fuck you right now but since we don't, I'm going to fuck you with this toy and you can imagine that it's someone else." He lubed up the dildo and slowly slid it inside my pussy. He angled it just right so that it would hit my g-spot. I turned my vibrator on and put it on my clit. I was already so close to cumming. I rocked my hips in sync with the thrusts and I felt my pussy tighten. "Fuck, yes!" I started to cum and Husband moaned in satisfaction. He continued to fuck me with the dildo, harder now. "Fuuuuuuck." My g-spot exploded in orgasm and my pussy squirted all over his hand. It was so intense.

Husband tossed the dildo aside and started to fuck me with his cock. He said, "Maybe next time the doctor can come home with you and we can fuck both of your holes. Would you like that?" I moaned and said, "Yessss." I thought about having two cocks in me at the same time and my clit throbbed. He said, "I wish we had enough cocks here to fill all of your holes. One in your pussy, one in your ass, and one in your mouth. You'd be moaning around that cock in your mouth. Then we would all cum in your pussy, filling it so full that it would be dripping out of you. You'd like that, wouldn't you?" "Fuck, yessss." I was so fucking turned on. I wanted to cum so bad.

I got lost in the thought of being used by all those men. It was so fucking hot. Husband flipped me over onto my back, laid on top of me, and started to fuck me again. He held me tight and looked me in the eyes. I could tell he was close. I wrapped my legs around him and squeezed his arms. I wanted to pull him inside me. Suddenly, he sat up, flipped my legs up onto his chest, and fucked me hard until we both came together.

My body collapsed. I was spent. I couldn't even imagine cumming again at that point. Husband looked at me and said, "I won't make you take that fourth cock right now but you will have to take it sometime this week." I agreed and then passed out. My pussy was feeling satisfied. At least for a little while.

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The Doctor (part 1)

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Respectful Polyamorous Sex

I am polyamorous. I have a husband and a girlfriend as steady relationships right now. I also have a pretty regular FWB, I had a date with a man yesterday, and I am also talking to other people who I may start dating soon. This creates the potential for a lot of sex partners in my life.

As I think about adding more partners to my romantic life, I have also been thinking about how polyamory works. Not necessarily the relationship part of polyamory. I'm pretty sure I have that down. Respect and communication is the key there. What I've been focusing on is the sexual aspect of it all. Are there unspoken rules for sex in a polyamorous relationship? If not, should there be?

When I speak of rules for sex, I don't mean sexual acts that partners have set as off-limits or not allowed. What I'm thinking of are things that would be considered respectful or disrespectful to do or not do when you are having sex with multiple partners regularly. I think I need to tell a story to explain.

Three years ago, I ate pussy for the first time. It was something that I had been wanting to do for a very long time. I was so excited to do it that I was literally shaking inside. You can read about that experience right here. There is one part that I left out of that story though. 

After I went down on Sasha for the first time, we cuddled in my bed for a while. I started to think about how I felt about everything that had just happened. I was so happy that I finally did it and that I actually did a good job, however, I was also a little confused. I realized that her pussy tasted like a man's cum. Was that normal? Mine had never tasted like that when I tried it. I kept thinking about it, trying to figure out why it would have tasted like that but at the same time, trying to tell myself that it couldn't have been for obvious reasons.

As Sasha and I laid there in bed talking about stuff, she eventually started to talk about how her morning went. It turned out that she was late getting to my house that day because her boyfriend had stopped by before work for a quickie. She told me that they had sex right before she came over. I asked her if he had used a condom and she said that they didn't use protection and that he always cums inside her. There it was. It all made sense...and my stomach started to turn.

I had just eaten her boyfriend's cum out of her pussy. Now, I don't have a problem with cream pies. I could get into that in the right situation. What I don't appreciate, though, is not being told about it beforehand. I was not dating her boyfriend. I had never had sex with her boyfriend. In fact, I didn't even know her boyfriend well at that time. So, thinking about fluid bonding with a man that I had never had sex with without my consent was really upsetting to me.

It took me a little while to get over that. I felt betrayed and I was afraid it would happen again without her warning me. I felt like if she would have been honest and told me what had happened that morning, I would have still had sex with her but I definitely wouldn't have gone down on her. She didn't really understand why I was upset about it. 

So, my question is, are there rules about this thing in polyamory? This subject has never come up before in any polyamory groups that I am a part of. I think it should definitely be something that's talked about. The way I see it, if there is a chance that you will have sex with multiple partners in the same day, the respectful thing to do is to make sure that the partner you have sex with first uses protection. I would never want to put my girlfriend in that position unless she was into it. I most definitely would never put her in that position without her consent. 

To be honest, I have some trust issues now with oral sex on a woman. I'm kind of scared that it will happen again. It's definitely not going to stop me from having sex with anyone but it is something that is often on my mind. I didn't think this was a conversation that I needed to have with my partners because I just thought it was common courtesy.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this is something that polyamorous people should discuss before having sex. Is it something that would bother you or your partner? Then, you should discuss possible rules and expectations about it. I know that from now on, I will make sure it's something I discuss with my partners at the same time as the protection/STI talk.

Sinful Sunday: Wishing For Two Cocks

I've been texting with Jacob a lot lately. It's been quite a while since we were able to play together. Unfortunately, due to the current situation, that won't be happening anytime soon either. So, we just send each other pictures and get lost in fantasy land for a bit. I love that he masturbates to my photos all the time. It makes me feel so sexy.



One day, I'll have two cocks to suck again. This photo shows how much I truly love it. It's written all over my face. Mmmm.


Don't forget to check out who else is sinning. Kiss the lips below.

Retreating

Things have been difficult lately. I've been having issues with depression and anxiety. My self-confidence is seriously lacking right now. I don't feel sexy or attractive in the least bit. There's been so much stress in my life that I've just retreated from everything.

This all started a year ago. I fell down some stairs last summer and sprained my foot badly. This prevented me from working out in the gym as I normally did every day. I couldn't get out much because of the pain, so I did a lot of sitting around at home. I was lonely and depressed, so I self-medicated with food. I also started having intense anxiety around this time. Just as my foot finally started to feel better, I had to have emergency surgery. So, that put me in the same position as I was just about to get out of. During this time, I gained a lot of weight and I feel so gross. It's been about six months since I've been fully healed and I just haven't been able to motivate myself to get back into the gym. My stamina is way down and I'm basically starting from the beginning. It's painful and I just don't want to do it. I know I need to but I have to push through this depression to make it happen.

My sex life has definitely suffered. I can't bring myself to initiate sex because I feel so undesirable. Husband doesn't like to initiate things because he's convinced that I don't want him for some reason. So, he isn't initiating sex either. I tried to hint to Jacob a couple times that I would like to hook up with him, hoping that maybe he would help me feel attractive again but he declined. That means sex just isn't happening for me.

For a few months, I wallowed in my depression and accepted that this is just how my sex life (or lack thereof) is going to be from now on. Then, summer came and we had 2 weeks child-free. I felt desperate for a spark of excitement. I walked around the house naked every day. I would bend over at just the right moment in hopes that Husband would grab me and just start fucking me. I tried to get his attention every day and it just kept failing. I think we had sex once during that whole 2 weeks and that was because I woke him up with a blow job. So fucking depressing. After that, I basically just gave up. I feel defeated and unwanted.

Of course, because I'm not getting sex, I'm also feeling super irritable. Husband and I have been arguing a lot about stupid shit. That, in turn, makes us feel even further apart emotionally. It's definitely not helping the situation.

I don't really know what the answer to all of this is. Things are just very difficult right now. All I can do is retreat and hide in the dark place in my mind. Hopefully, I find some motivation soon and things turn around. I'm just so exhausted. I guess until I can start to feel sexy again, I'll just fake it.

Sinful Sunday: G is for Gag Reflex

Sinful Sunday is here again! It's the first Sunday of the month and that means it is prompt time! April's prompt is the letter G. The first thing that came to mind was "gag." When a friend of mine suggested the same thing, I decided to go with it.

I have mostly gotten my gag reflex sorted out, though I found that I am a little bit out of practice. I'm sure I will have lots of volunteers to help me with that.

On the left, you see me catching my breath for a second with tears streaming down my face. On the right, I am gagging on Jacob's cock as he fucks my face.
I think the hottest thing about these pictures is that Husband is the one who took them. He was almost bulging right out of his jeans as he watched.




Give the lips a kiss and see who else is sinning.

Sinful Sunday: Good Girl

On Friday night, Jacob came over to play.
According to him, "Nothing is better than a blow job from Sexilicous Ash."

This is a photo of me on my knees, being a good girl, and proving him right.
I love the way I'm looking up at him here.





Give the lips a kiss and check out who else is sinning.

Sinful Sunday: Humour

"Would you please stop making me laugh? I'm trying to suck this cock."

My First Experience with Eating Pussy

The first girl I had sex with was my ex-best-friend, Olivia. I enjoyed sex with her but it always felt like it was lacking something. I loved her very much as a friend and it was fun to mess around. I just didn't have strong feelings for her otherwise. So, I never felt comfortable enough to go down on her. I got so caught up in the idea that my first time should be with someone special, that I didn't allow myself to go there with her.

The second girl I had sex with was Kirsten. She was beautiful and I wanted her so badly right from the beginning. I couldn't wait to have sex with her but she wanted to take things very slowly because she had a lot of anxiety (I found out later that she's actually asexual so that explained a lot). The first couple times we had sex, she didn't want me to go down on her. So, even though I wanted to, I respected her wishes. When she was finally feeling more comfortable with everything, I started feeling too nervous about doing it. Would I even know what I was doing? I talked to Husband about the anxiety I was feeling and he made me feel better. I finally felt ready to do it. That was when we ended up breaking up. Fuck.

I dated another girl, Erica, for a short time. She talked a lot about wanting to have sex with me but every time I tried, there was some excuse to prevent it from actually happening. After months of trying to no avail, I gave up. I definitely would have gone down on her if I were given the chance though.

The third girl I had sex with was Sasha. I fell VERY hard for her. It actually took a while for me to act on it because I was so terrified of getting hurt. I knew my feelings for her were very strong and I didn't want to put myself out there to get hurt. Her wife kept pushing us together and I finally let my guard down. We started dating but we didn't rush the sex part. There was lots of making out and heavy petting but it took a couple months to finally get to the sex. The first time we had sex was at a kink play party in front of four other people. We were lying on a bed, half naked, and making out. Things were getting really hot and she whispered, "Can I taste you?" I said yes, so she did. I wanted to do the same for her but there was no way I was going to be able to convince myself to eat pussy for the first time in front of four other people who were watching us.

A couple weeks later, Sasha came over to my place. We were sitting on the couch talking and I couldn't keep my eyes off of her body. I wanted her so badly. We started making out and playing with each other's boobs. We were both very turned on. Hands were wandering and kisses were turning into neck nibbles. She asked if I'd like to go to the bedroom. I was excited and nervous all at the same time. I knew I was ready to finally do it but I was still afraid that I wouldn't know what I was doing. I silently promised myself that I would not back out this time.

We laid down on the bed together and started making out again. My hands kept making their way up her shirt. She had the most amazing tits and I wanted my hands all over them. As our hands continued to wander, our clothes started to come off. Once our bras were removed, I rubbed my breasts against hers. Our nipples touched and I moaned out in pleasure. That has to be one of my favorite things to do with a woman. Mashing our tits together. Mmmm. I can't get enough of that. Sasha started to suck on my nipples while rubbing my clit gently. I was so turned on that it felt like I could cum any second. She stopped and kissed me one more time before moving her mouth down to my thighs. She kissed, licked, and nibbled her way down the inside of my thigh until she reached my pussy. She licked the outside, teasing me. I arched my back, aching for more. She opened my pussy lips and started to lick my clit. I felt her fingers slide into my very wet cunt. As she finger fucked me and licked my clit, I ran my fingers through her hair. It wasn't long before I was cumming hard, grabbing a handful of hair and pulling on it as I did.

Sasha laid down next to me again and I kissed her hard. I could taste my pussy on her lips and it excited me. I nibbled her neck, down to her collar bone, then licked and kissed my way to her nipples. While massaging her breast, I sucked on her nipple until she moaned. I continued down to her belly. I caressed her hips while I kissed around her belly button. I moved down to her thighs, licking, kissing, nibbling. I caressed her lower legs, down to her feet. As she moaned louder, I got even more turned on. I caressed her vulva gently with my fingers, softly tracing the line where her legs meet her crotch. I put my face so close that she could feel my hot breath, teasing her. I was very excited to taste her. So, I swallowed my nervousness, took a deep breath, and went for it. I parted her lips and gave a long, slow, gentle lick from the opening of her pussy to the top of her clit. I buried my face in her cunt, inhaling her sweet smell. I licked her clit slowly, occasionally stopping to stick my tongue inside her. She started to arch her back, so I licked faster and slid my fingers inside her. I massaged her g-spot as I ate her pussy. She started to cum all over my face, squirting her juices into my mouth, and I moaned as I drank them. She didn't seem to want me to stop, so I continued to lick her clit. I made her cum once more, then I collapsed next to her.

As we were cuddling, I told her that was my first time and she said I did an amazing job. I felt such pride in that moment. I couldn't wait to do it again. I ate her pussy every time I had the chance after that. She ended up breaking my heart but I'm glad I finally got my first pussy eating experience out of the way. Now, hopefully I won't get so caught up when doing it with other women. If I ever get the chance to be with other women, that is. I really miss eating pussy. So very much. There has to be someone out there that needs a tongue on their clit...

Sinful Sunday: Bruised

I went out with G on Friday night. I decided to go to his house afterwards and we had a scene. He beat my ass and left some pretty marks.




Kiss the lips and see who else is sinning.

Incoherent Ramblings

It's been over six months since we completely opened our marriage. I really can't believe it's been that long. I was thinking about this last night. Six months and how many people have I had sex with other than my husband? Zero.

It's definitely not for lack of wanting to. Mostly, I'm sure that it's because I'm super fucking picky. I love sex, but I am not attracted to a lot of people. If I am attracted to someone physically, I also have to be attracted to their personality. That means that I prefer to get to know people before I fuck them. These two things combined don't offer a lot of opportunities for sex.

Another problem is that I always seem to be attracted to people who are unavailable or live too far away. There is a large handful of online friends that I would love to fuck if given the chance. Sure, there are people who are local and available that I'm attracted to as well. I seem to be too awkward to initiate anything with them though.

There's also the problem of timing. Having a kid who is too young to be left home alone and a husband who works crazy hours doesn't leave much room for opportunities either. It's definitely not impossible but it does make things more difficult.

I've also felt extremely self conscious lately, so even when an opportunity has been available, I have shot it down because I hate what I see in the mirror. I've been working on that really hard lately. That's the reason that I decided to do February Photofest. I thought it would help me accept my body and see that people think I'm sexy. I know it's silly to turn someone down because I don't think I'm hot enough. Obviously they think I am, otherwise they wouldn't be interested in the first place. I've been slowly accepting this.

There may also be a tiny bit of guilt still going on. I've felt guilty for wanting to have sex with other men for a long time. Husband no longer tries to make me feel guilty but it's hard to let that feeling go. I guess I'm just worried about hurting him. Now that he has been seeing a girl lately, I feel a lot less guilty. So, hopefully that won't be an issue for much longer.

I guess there really wasn't much point to this post. I just really wanted to write my thoughts down so I could sort them out in my head. Maybe my point is that I am ready to let all of this go and finally fuck someone. I'll be sure to write about it when it happens.