Like a lot of people, I was really hoping that 2020 was going to be a good year. At the beginning of the year, I had started talking to some new people who I was really into. I was feeling extra motivated to give in to my sexual desires and not feel guilty about them. I was ready to really enjoy myself and others. Then, the pandemic happened.
In order to stay safe, we had to stay in our houses and not see other people. I thought for sure this would only last a few months and then we would be in the clear. Eventually, cases would go down and the risk would be low. So, I did my best to just stay put and be patient.
For entertainment, I started using dating sites seriously again. I met a few people on there that I really clicked with. I was feeling hopeful again. Maybe something could come of this. One girl, who I really fell for, asked if I'd like to start hanging out in person but six feet apart. So, we started having little dates outside. We walked in the park, sat under a pavilion and talked, went out and got ice cream. Stuff like that. They weren't super exciting ideas but they were great dates because I was with her. After a few months, I ended up asking that girl to be my girlfriend and she said yes! I was so happy. Until that girl stopped wanting to hang out. We still send each other a Snap every day but I think it's safe to say that we aren't in an actual relationship. I was quite disappointed when that ended.
So, with that failed relationship, I began to focus on other people who I had been talking to. I conversed with a man from Ireland for a while who had me really lost in fantasy land but eventually, he stopped responding to me. I was also talking to a guy who was probably the most attractive man I've met all year. We had so much in common and he was incredibly sweet but as soon as I asked him out, he told me that he was poly-saturated. So, that was the end of that one. I had a handful of other people, men and women, who I continued to talk to but nothing seemed to come of it. I failed to even see the point anymore. This pandemic was obviously going to go on forever and I'd never be able to fuck other people safely again.
At this point, the year was three-quarters of the way over and I still hadn't sexed it up with anyone other than Husband since 2019. I wasn't even having sex with Husband that often because he was dealing with so much stress and anxiety from work and our sleeping schedules were completely opposite. I was feeling quite sexually frustrated.
I hadn't seen Jacob, my fairly regular FWB, in over a year. I missed his cock like crazy. We still sexted with each other occasionally and he continued to send me nice things to let me know he was thinking about me, which was lovely. Our friendship was holding steady even though we hadn't been able to hook up. That was definitely a positive thing.
Most of the other people who I had been talking to had gotten bored of me by this time. I tried to reignite the sparks but it seemed to be a lost cause. One person, though, had not lost interest at all. That was the Doctor, who I wrote about previously. He kept trying to get me to go out with him but I was feeling so nervous about it that I kept telling him, "Not yet." He finally talked me into it and something about him made me feel super comfortable. My walls came crashing down very quickly and after only three dates, we ended up fucking. Maybe it was the last ten months of sexual frustration that just couldn't be held back anymore. Maybe I was just really feeling the connection between us because our sex drives match up so well. I'm not sure why it happened even though I had so much anxiety, but I'm glad it did.
My feelings about that were very complicated. I judged myself for hooking up with someone during a pandemic, though I felt better about it because it was with a doctor whom I knew was taking extra precautions and understood the seriousness of it all. I was still a bit worried afterward, wondering if I had exposed myself by hooking up with him. But that was all just my brain being a jerk and flooding me with unecessary anxiety. I feel better about it now, though I'm not sure if I will be fucking other people anytime soon.
I haven't talked to the Doctor much since we had sex. He checks in every once in a while but he's such a busy person. I'm not sure if he really has time for me. I'm open to whatever it is going to become though. I do have other potential partners that I'm talking to right now. I'm not sure where things will go with any of those people but I do have hopes for the future. If we can just keep the spark alive through the rest of this pandemic, things would be good.
So, here we are on the first day of 2021 and I'm looking back on the last 366 days. After a very long dry spell, in which I hadn't met anyone that I really wanted to pursue a sexual relationship with, I finally found a bunch of people that I really wanted to fuck, however, I couldn't actually fuck them due to social distancing. After years of silently judging myself for wanting to slut it up with lots of people, I finally accepted my desires and felt ready to embrace them. But what was the point if I couldn't actually do it? After two years of searching, I finally found another girlfriend only for it to fizzle out due to not being able to be as close as we wanted to be. So many opportunities that were lost over the last year. What a waste. Last year could have been amazing. I had such high hopes about having sex with many different people. Instead, I had sex with only two people.
I know that I should feel grateful for those two people that I had sex with. I know there are so many people out there that have been alone all year and haven't been able to have sex with anyone. It's just really hard for my nympho brain to really understand that. It just wants all the sex. It's never enough. So, anyway, here's to hoping that 2021 has something wonderful in store for my sex life. Happy New Year. I hope 2021 has something great in store for you as well.
No comments:
Post a Comment