A New Metamour

Lots of things on my mind

I usually write about the sexy part of my life but today, I'm going to talk about some hard shit. Polyamory is amazing but it's also very hard sometimes. It takes a lot of work and a lot of that is internal work on yourself.

For the past 10 years, Husband has been mostly monogamous. He's had threesomes and such with me but he wasn't interested in dating other people. I struggled with that a bit. I felt guilty for being polyamorous and needing to have relationships and sex with other people. But he was always very supportive of my needs, even when they made him feel jealous and insecure.

A few months ago, Husband told me that he was having thoughts about wanting a relationship with another woman. At first, I was a bit shocked because he was always so sure that he didn't want that. My second reaction was nervousness because I wasn't sure how that would make me feel. It had been a long time since I had seen him with someone else and he had never dated another woman before. But then my brain finally settled on feeling excitement for him. I have always wanted him to be fulfilled and happy. So, I encouraged him to explore that. It took a few months, but he finally found someone that he was interested in.

Husband has been talking to a woman for a couple months. Initially, I very much encouraged him to go out with her. I gave him dating advice and helped calm his nerves before going out with her. I looked forward to hearing all about his dates when he came home and I was so happy for him. Then, something suddenly changed for me.

For the past few years, our relationship has been struggling. Husband pulled away from me and stopped communicating. Our sex life became almost non-existent. There were things that I needed from him that I wasn't getting. Things got really bad for a while but we've been working on our relationship throughout the last year and it's improved a lot. There is still much work to do though.

When I saw him giving those things that I needed to this woman he was talking to, I started feeling jealous. Then, I started comparing myself to this girl as well because I was already in a dark place. Why didn't I deserve those things? Why hasn't he been giving them to me? Does he like her better than me? So many negative thoughts that I wasn't used to. 

Jealousy is a rare emotion for me. I'm not a jealous person. In fact, I only feel jealous if I'm being treated unfairly or not getting something that I need. This was really hard for me to deal with because I have very little experience with feeling jealousy. I have been dealing with it as best as I can but some days are really hard.

On Wednesday, Husband told me that things became official between them. She is now his girlfriend. On one hand, I am so happy for him. But on the other hand, I still have some emotions to work through. The thing about jealousy is that it's completely normal but it's up to you to work it out for yourself. So, that is what I'm trying to do.

Anyway, to sum all of this up, I now have a new metamour and I have complicated and conflicting emotions about it. I think things will eventually work out and I'll feel better about everything but the anxiety I'm feeling right now is very overwhelming some days. 

I still think polyamory is absolutely worth it. I could never be in a monogamous relationship again for the rest of my life. I tried that already and it just didn't work out. It's not for me. Polyamory sure does take a lot more work than monogamy though. I'm going to continue working on myself and I'm excited for what the future has in store for Husband. I hope this new relationship brings him a lot of happiness.

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