TMI Tuesday: December 7, 2021

Happy December! Just a few more TMI Tuesday blogs to go in 2021.

Ash:

1. Do you consider your sex to be “conventional”? Why or why not?

When you say sex, do you mean gender or sexual behavior? 

If we are talking about gender, I guess I'm kind of conventional. I look very feminine, I did the stay-at-home mom thing, I do most of the shopping and cooking, and I take care of most of the things that need to be taken care of. Though I'm also the dominant person in my marriage (outside of the bedroom), I pay the bills, and I'm definitely not soft-spoken and subservient (outside of the bedroom).

If we are talking about my sex life, I would say it's somewhat conventional these days. I'm very kinky but I really haven't been able to express that in a few years. Husband hasn't wanted to engage in those activities with me for some time and I haven't been able to figure out why. I do have some fetishes and I enjoy rough sex a lot. I wouldn't consider us vanilla but we are definitely much tamer than we used to be. 

2. Gender Identity–How do you describe yourself?

a. Male
b. Female
c. Trans Male/Trans Man
d. Trans Female/Trans Woman
e. Genderqueer/Gender Non­Conforming

f. Different Identity

b. Female

3. Sexual Orientation

a. Heterosexual
b. Gay
c. Lesbian
d. Bisexual
e. None of the above, specify if you wish.

d. Bisexual - I could say pansexual here but I refuse to use that word because it's just another form of bi-erasure. The definition of bisexuality is "the potential to be attracted to people of more than one gender." That includes all genders. Male, female, trans, non-binary, and anything in between. Bisexuality has always been about challenging binaries of all kinds, including gender. There's no need for a new word.

4. Is understanding the causes and effects, and the formation of gender stereotypes important?

Yes. We need to understand why gender stereotypes exist and acknowledge the harm they are doing so that we can crush them. 

Bonus: Your thoughts on this–“I’m in a committed relationship, and it feels like asking for consent every time we have sex is overkill—is that wrong?”

If your partner needs you to get consent before making a move, then you need to do that. Period. I would suggest talking to them to find a comfortable way for you to get that consent that doesn't make you feel so awkward. In my relationship, I'm fine with my partner making a move when they want sex and if I don't feel up to it, I would say so. But if your partner isn't okay with you making a move at all until they have given consent, you better get consent first. If that's too much for you to deal with, then you should just stick with masturbation. Sorry, not sorry.

Husband:

1. Do you consider your sex to be “conventional”? Why or why not?

I think that sometimes my sex may be conventional, but definitely not all the time. 

2. Gender Identity–How do you describe yourself?

a. Male
b. Female
c. Trans Male/Trans Man
d. Trans Female/Trans Woman
e. Genderqueer/Gender Non­Conforming

f. Different Identity

a. Male

3. Sexual Orientation–Are you exclusively?

a. Heterosexual
b. Gay
c. Lesbian
d. Bisexual
e. None of the above, specify if you wish.

d. Bisexual

4. Is understanding the causes and effects, and the formation of gender stereotypes important?

Yes.

Bonus: Your thoughts on this–“I’m in a committed relationship, and it feels like asking for consent every time we have sex is overkill—is that wrong?”

If my partner felt that it was important to them that I get consent each time we had sex I would do my absolute best to respect their wishes. If it ever got to the point where I felt it was overkill I would discuss that with them then.