This week for TMI Tuesday let's talk sexual feelings.
"Come take control, just grab a hold
Of my body and mind, soon we'll be makin' it, honey
I'll be feelin' fine."
Ash:
1. Are women natural seducers or are men?
While I think it's easier for women to seduce men, I don't think either gender is a natural seducer. I think it's more a personality type than anything else.
2. Which of the following statements most closely matches your sexual attitude?
a. Sex is best when you focus on your own pleasure.
b. Sex is best when I can totally meld with my partner and feel as one.
c. Sex is best when the purpose is that of conceiving a child.
d. Sex is just a behavior; don't put too much importance on the act, just do it the way you like and need.
I think I agree with D most. People put way too much importance on the act of sex. I used to do it too. Once I let go, I was much happier.
3. Do you need to feel emotionally connected to enjoy sex with another person?
Yes. There has to be some kind of relationship established before I have sex with someone. That relationship can be as simple as friends. It doesn't have to be romantic. We just need to have had some good conversations beforehand.
4. Are you allowed to be sexual? Explain.
Honestly, not really. I'm a mom with lots of volunteer roles. Even being poly is mostly frowned upon in the mommy circles. I have to be someone else when I'm around the other parents. It kills me but it's necessary. I would be devastated if I wasn't able to continue working with the kids. Once my kid is grown up though, I'll just be me.
5. Agree or disagree: Sex without love is meaningless.
Disagree. I don't need to love someone to enjoy sex. Besides, what is the meaning of sex with love? Sex is just something we do for pleasure and procreation. It doesn't mean anything more than that.
Bonus: Conventional wisdom (but not research) says that women value monogamy more than men. Is this true for you?
Definitely not. I have never valued monogamy. I have been polyamorous since I was 18 years old. I may not have had a name for it back then but it's always been the way I lived my life.
Husband:
1. Are women natural seducers or are men?
I don't think that men or women are "natural" seducers. I think there are certain qualities for any gender to seduce another. I believe that confidence in oneself without arrogance can easily add to this seduction ability.
2. Which of the following statements most closely matches your sexual attitude?
a. Sex is best when you focus on your own pleasure.
b. Sex is best when I can totally meld with my partner and feel as one.
c. Sex is best when the purpose is that of conceiving a child.
d. Sex is just a behavior; don't put too much importance on the act, just do it the way you like and need.
b. Sex is best when I can totally meld with my partner and feel as one.
For me connecting with my partner during sex is part of what makes sex as great as it is. The link made by giving and receiving pleasure with a partner adds excitement and intimacy that may not otherwise be there.
3. Do you need to feel emotionally connected to enjoy sex with another person?
I don't need to feel emotionally connected to enjoy sex with another person. However, the difference between being emotionally connected and being disconnected is massive for me!
4. Are you allowed to be sexual? Explain.
I feel like I am. I am encouraged by Wife to be sexual. I want to be sexual. I mentally reach towards being sexual quite often, but I probably let more things get in the way of that than I should.
5. Agree or disagree: Sex without love is meaningless.
Disagree. Sex in itself is an act of pleasure. Not having love involved in sex doesn't take away from the pleasure itself, but sex with love adds to the pleasure (for me).
Bonus: Conventional wisdom (but not research) says that women value monogamy more than men. Is this true for you?
It isn't true for me. I think most men and women I know value monogamy quite heavily, to the extent of feeling like being poly is not right. That being said, men and women I know that value polyamory are probably about equally split between men and women.
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