Monday, February 20, 2012

Overdue introduction

I figured I would take some time to explain the relationship between my husband and I, since I failed to do that when I first started this blog.

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years and we are very happily in love. We both identify as bisexual. I have been out since I was 15 years old and Husband has been out since he was 18. We have a semi-open marriage. By that, I mean, we are allowed to sleep with members of the same sex whenever we want. For example, I can date and/or have sex with any woman I choose without asking for his permission (and the same goes for him about men). Husband is not comfortable with me having sex with other men without him, so anytime I've had sex with another man, it's been in a threesome setting. Even though relationships with the opposite sex are not possible, we still consider ourselves to be polyamorous because the ultimate goal would be for myself to have a steady girlfriend and for him to have a steady boyfriend in addition to our marriage with each other. It may sound crazy, but it works for us.

I so badly want a girlfriend. There are not many lesbians (or even bisexual women for that matter) who are open to dating a married woman. Either that, or I just haven't met the right women yet. Even if I did find a woman who was interested in me, I doubt I would even have the guts to make a move and take it to the next level. I am very odd. With men, I am very outgoing and open. I will come right out and tell a man that I want him. I love how comfortable I am with men. With women, however, I am very shy. I will flirt like crazy, but once it comes to actually doing something about it and making a move, I freeze up. I just can't seem to take the next step. I think it is because I had been rejected by women so many times as a teenager, that I am now scared of being rejected again. So, I wait for the woman to make a move. I lost a girl that I really liked because I didn't make my move when I had the chance. Even though I regret that like crazy, I still can't seem to push myself out of my comfort zone and just do it. It makes me feel pathetic. And to people on the outside, it probably appears that I like to flirt, but I don't actually want to be sexual. That is not the case though. When a woman does make her move on me, I melt and totally go with it. It's amazing and I love it. I definitely enjoy sex with a woman way more than sex with a man...and that's saying a lot because I very much enjoy sex with men. Haha.

Hopefully one day I will stop being so lame and actually go out and find a wonderful woman that I can call my girlfriend. Until then, I will continue to work on building up that courage.

I can't think of anything else that I should share here, but if there are any questions, feel free to ask away. I'm very open, if you couldn't already tell. ;)

1 comment:

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