Weight Gain

I’ve gained weight over the last year. I’m super self conscious about it. I’ve stopped going to the gym because I don’t feel that it’s safe, I’ve eaten way too much ice cream to comfort my anxiety and depression, and I’ve become pretty inactive when I’m usually quite the opposite. 

I hate this picture of my belly but it’s me. I have to accept that. I’m hoping that once winter has passed, I can find the emotional strength to get outside and be more active but until then, I’m working on accepting and loving myself the way I am and trying to be kind to myself for struggling during a very difficult time.

I’ve always been very honest and real even when it’s hard. The last year has brought so many challenges to my life but I’m still here. That is definitely something to celebrate.

             

Eye Contact

Eye contact during a blow job is so hot. Sometimes it’s really hard to do with Husband because his cock curves upward but I would never change that. It’s the perfect angle for hitting my g-spot. Mmmm. 

Blank Stare

When you’re stressed out and anxious but doing your best to work through it. Still sexy?

Throwback Double Blowjob

I miss sucking two cocks at the same time. It’s probably my favorite thing ever. I also really love to look into Husband’s eyes while I’m doing it. It’s so hot when he shares me with others.

 

Peepholes

I love this outfit from the back as much as I love the front.

Happy Hump Day!

 

TMI Tuesday: February 23, 2021

It's time for TMI Tuesday!

Just Wondering...

Ash:

1. What food did you eat so much of that now you hate it?

Spaghetti. My mom made it a lot when I was a kid. It was a cheap meal and we were pretty poor. So, it worked for us. I hate it now but I still make it once a month because everyone else in this house likes it.

2. What two films would you like to combine into one?

It (2017) and Deadpool. That's a lot of sexiness right there. 

3. What songs do you feel compelled to sing along with when you hear them, even if you do not know all the words?

Bohemian Rhapsody. I know most of the words but I get caught up on the operatic part of the song though. There are a lot of interesting word choices in that part.

4. What is the weirdest place you have ever slept?

On a trampoline.

5. Who is the weirdest person you have ever slept with, and why do you say this?

The weirdest person I've ever slept with is probably my ex-girlfriend, Kirsten. She was really sweet, beautiful, and kind, however, she also had a lot of quirks. I'm sure a lot of them were because she is on the autism spectrum. That didn't bother me though. What really bothered me was the way she could go from hot to cold in five seconds. We would be making out so heavy, she'd be grinding on me and really getting into it, then she would just STOP. It was like nothing sexual was happening at all and she would just start having a normal conversation with me. She got me so turned on and then left me there so many times. 

She eventually told me that she was asexual, which made sense but I was always really confused why she started things so often and then decided to stop. Why not just NOT start things if you don't actually want them? I didn't really understand. Then, there were times that we'd have a threesome or foursome and she would get upset that she didn't get to fuck one of the guys and I'd get confused again because she said she was a lesbian and she usually didn't want to have penetrative sex. I was always very confused with her. I never knew what was going on in her head. If she had communicated more, I think I would have understood better.

Bonus: What do you think you do better than 90% of people?

Being honest and real. I've never been able to fake anything. 

Husband:

1. What food did you eat so much of that now you hate it?

I don't think I have any food that I've had so much that I hate it. I'm too much of a garbage disposal for that, however, I used to eat my dad's zucchini bread so much as a kid that now, when I have some, it doesn't taste the same and I don't enjoy it the way I once did.

2. What two films would you like to combine into one?

If I can mash the Lord of the Rings world movies and the Harry Potter world movies into one massively long awesome movie to watch, I'll take that one.

3. What songs do you feel compelled to sing along with when you hear them, even if you do not know all the words?

The Song That Never Ends, but I know all the words to that one. Down With the Sickness, but I also know all the words to that one as well.

4. What is the weirdest place you have ever slept?

On a night hike during boot camp, while laden down with whatever heavy pack and gear we had for crucible week. Literally sleeping while I was hiking. The people behind me in line were pretty pissed every time we had to run to catch up.

5. Who is the weirdest person you have ever slept with, and why do you say this?

I think I have to say Wife, regardless of whether this involves sex or not. She's the weirdest person that I have ever slept with. I love that she is the weirdest person in my life.

Bonus: What do you think you do better than 90% of people?

I'm better at being paranoid. This feeds into so many aspects of my life. Some good, some bad. "You're only paranoid if you're wrong." Quote from Anita Blake in a Laurell K. Hamilton novel. I've found that sometimes, I'm not wrong.

I Really Need a Bigger Tub

We’re back to bath shots for Titty Tuesday.

 

My Friend Nora

Happy Masturbation Monday.

Just playing with my friend, Nora.

Into the Wild

The wind chill was negative eleven degrees Fahrenheit but I wasn’t feeling very cold. There’s just something about taking naughty photos outside. It really turns me on. 

             

Restrained

A fan bought this lingerie for me. It’s my favorite right now. The panties have a keyhole in the back so that you can tie my wrists to them with the included restraint band. It’s pretty hot. I’d like to get my ass spanked like this.

 

Cloaked Beauty

Another photo from the winter photo shoot.

Happy Fishnet Friday!

 

Mermaid

 

You may not have known that I'm actually a mermaid. Water is my element. I would be in it all the time if I could. I really need a bathtub big enough for you to join me in here.

Cold and Windy Day

 

When you’re exploring outside with very little on,

make sure you hold your dress down 

or the wind may give everyone a show.

Happy hump day.

Enticing

 

I’m sitting on the bed, hands tied, giving you this look.

Tell me what you would do. 

Winter Photo Shoot

 

It’s been freezing cold and snowing/icing a lot over the last week. Usually, I’m not a fan of winter but for some reason, I got the brilliant idea to do a winter photo shoot. 

Now, keep in mind that it was only four degrees Fahrenheit with a wind chill of negative eleven. It was fucking cold but I was determined to tough it out. I went through various states of undress throughout this shoot and realized that I’m crazy but I really love how the photos turned out. I’m definitely doing this again in the future. 

Lots of thanks goes to Husband who braved the elements to bring my vision to life.

Sinful Sunday: Textures Part 2

 

I'm continuing with the textures prompt for Sinful Sunday. Last week, it was rope marks. This week it is fishnet. Don't you just love the feeling of it under your fingers? Husband loves when I wear my crotchless fishnet bodystocking. It looks as sexy as it feels and he really gets into it while he's fucking me.

               

Bound

Last Sunday, I posted a photo of the rope marks left on my legs after Husband tied me up. This is what the rope looked like while I was bound. Husband hasn't had a lot of practice and he's still learning, so it's not perfect or super pretty. I assure you that it was very comfy though. I was in a zen state of peacefulness while he took these photos. Being bound with rope is one of my happy places. It takes my anxiety away and makes me feel very relaxed.

Holding Myself Together

Yesterday, I had my first therapy appointment in 20 years. I’ve always struggled with my mental health. I battle depression and anxiety every day. It recently got bad enough that I decided I didn’t want to deal with it alone anymore. So, I reached out to a therapist that a friend highly recommended. 

The therapist seems really great and when she dropped an F bomb, I knew we would get along. She asked me a lot of questions to get to know me better. Basically, she wanted the short version of my life story. She asked questions about my childhood and it brought up a lot of trauma. 

So, I’m feeling pretty raw and sensitive right now. But I’m holding myself together. I will make it through this dark time and come out the other side better than I was.

Throwback Birthday Spankings

 

This is a throwback to my birthday last year. I posted this photo already but this is another shot that Husband got. This makes me really want to get my ass beaten. Any volunteers?

Hot Bath

I had a really busy day today which had me outside in the cold for a while. I needed to warm up in a hot bath. Sure wish this tub was big enough for you to join me. 

TMI Tuesday: February 9, 2021

Time for TMI Tuesday!

If, Ands, and Butts

Ash:

1. If you had a magic beauty wand, what would you give yourself?

a. Shinier hair, hands down.

b. Glowing, soft skin–pass the moisturizer dude.

c. Brighter eyes, with no crows feet—I want to look less tired.

d. Nada. I love what I’ve got.

c. Brighter eyes, with no crows feet. These days, my eyes have been really puffy and tired looking. I hate it so much. I would love to find a good eye cream that actually works. 

2. If you were spring cleaning your life what five things would you throw out?

First, I would throw out my anxiety. I've had enough of that shit. 

Second, I would get rid of my depression. I'm tired of feeling like I don't matter and that no one cares about me. If my brain could stop that shit, that would be wonderful. 

Third, I would love to get rid of my social awkwardness. I wasn't always this way. In high school, I was super fucking confident. Sometime after high school, I started to doubt myself and now I have a shit ton of anxiety. I guess I work backwards in life.

Fourth, I would probably throw out some of my sexual needs. My sex drive is way too high for a normal person and I have yet to find anyone who has close to the same appetite. If I weren't so horny all the time, I would probably be a lot less sexually frustrated.

Lastly, I would throw out my childhood trama. Honestly, that in itself is probably the cause of 80% of my issues.

3. If money were no object, what kind of house would you buy?

I'd like a castle about 30 minutes from the beach in California. Something with a nice dungeon. A place where I could throw amazing kink parties. Two or three ovens, a HUGE bathtub, a large fireplace, and an indoor swimming pool.

4. Have you ever visited an erotic massage parlor AND had a “happy ending”?

No, I doubt that is something I'd be into honestly.

Bonus: Using the handy chart above, what is your butt type, spanked or not?

I would say my butt is most like the anchor butt. I'll take the standard issue spanks, please. Mmmm. It's way too damn long since I've had my ass beat. Neeeeed.

Husband:

1. If you had a magic beauty wand, what would you give yourself?

a. Shinier hair, hands down.

b. Glowing, soft skin–pass the moisturizer dude.

c. Brighter eyes, with no crows feet—I want to look less tired.

d. Nada. I love what I’ve got.

c. Brighter eyes, with no crows feet—I want to look less tired. I'm going to go with the eyes. It is easily my favorite feature and one I have been told is very bold and piercing already, so why not level it up even more. Plus also, I am sure I look tired all the time, so that would be great to not worry about that either.

2. If you were spring cleaning your life what five things would you throw out?

I'd like to get rid of my anxiety first and foremost. I feel like it negatively impacts my life and those around me the most. It isn't something I can grow from, or anyone else can really grow from. So fuck that. Secondly, let's get rid of my defensiveness which is probably my second most negative impacting thing, which again causes no good growth. After those, I guess we can get rid of my timidity, my broken internal radars, and lastly let's get rid of that pesky mortality thing! ;-D

3. If money were no object, what kind of house would you buy?

A castle, set into a mountainside. With many secret passages, room sized fireplaces, escape tunnels, and a large library. There are massive ideas that I have had in my head since I was a kid that I have simply added on to the original. My castle would be a fantastic place to be.

4. Have you ever visited an erotic massage parlor AND had a “happy ending”?

I have not. I imagine that this is actually a thing, and not just something hidden on the menu like many cool and crazy drinks at Starbucks? If it isn't I'm not sure how one would go about becoming part of one as well as a happy ending.

Bonus: Using the handy chart above, what is your butt type, spanked or not?

Heart I think. Though standard issue or hot tamale also look like what I have been told it looks like.

Shower Titties

Someone recently made a comment about how often I post pictures of myself in the shower. This is definitely true. I do post a lot of shower pics. There's just something about taking photos in the shower that I really enjoy. Maybe it's because I love being wet.

Feeling Myself

 

My new year's resolution was to have more orgasms. I've been trying to keep up with that. I've been making more time for masturbation and it has been lovely. It definitely helps my anxiety and stress level.

Sinful Sunday: Texture

When I first saw that the Sinful Sunday prompt for February was texture, I thought of how much I love the texture that rope leaves on my skin after doing rope play. It has been a very long time since we've done any rope play, so it was also an excuse to get Husband to tie me up. I spent about an hour just relaxing in the ropes and then Husband released me. These were the marks left behind on my ass and legs. I can't stop running my fingers across them, feeling the texture on my soft skin.